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Not Afraid with Any Amazement

(I shared this testimony on April 21, 2007)

1 Peter 3

1Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

2While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

3Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

4But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

5For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

6Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

Right after I had my third child, John, he contracted a cold. Being only a newborn, Jack decided to take him to the doctor. John was prescribed an over the counter medicine and after he took it, the symptoms left. When John was about six weeks old the same symptoms happened again. Like before, he had a difficult time breathing through his nose, and since he was breast fed, he had a difficult time eating because of the congestion. But this time it was a little different. I went to Jack and asked him if I could take him back to the doctor, and Jack said “no”. He then said, “Kathie, this is your own heart.”

I went back into the living room and started pacing. I was like a caged animal. What I really wanted to do was argue with Jack enough that he would give in and let me take him to the doctor’s, and I could put up a pretty good fight. I almost did, but I didn’t, and it wasn’t because I was afraid of Jack’s answer. I had by this time, some fear of God and I knew the verses above that tell a women to be in subjection to their husbands in everything. I knew to go against Jack’s decision would be disobedience. I was between a rock and a hard place and it wasn’t getting any better, it looked like it was getting worse.

I found over the last twenty years, that what you see with your eyes can be distorted by what’s in your heart. And what my heart saw was distorted. The fear I had in my heart was making John look a lot worse than he really was. What I saw was a baby with pneumonia like I had when I was young and the baby my mother lost at childbirth.

At three o’clock in the morning the following night I was up again with John. He was still having trouble. I remember going to the window in our living room and looking up. I said “Jesus, I’m afraid,” and I meant it. I will never forget what he said to me. In my spirit Jesus spoke, “When I am afraid, I will trust in thee.” That is Psalm 56:3. Those were the words of Jesus when he was on the cross. You can see that when you read the last verse. That helped a lot, I knew by those words the Lord had heard my prayer, knew where I was and we were going to be OK, but it was not over.

The next evening I went to our friend’s sign shop to work on a large account I had. They had graciously let me use their equipment after hours at no charge. I was also subcontracting the use of their truck and the men that worked on it. When I got there the owner’s wife came into the shop to speak to me. The driver had a baby just a month older than John. She related to me how that that morning his child had died from SIDS (sudden death syndrome).

I could have lost it, my baby is sick and now there’s a baby I knew that was dead. I could hear that spirit tell me “and yours is next.” But the neatest thing happened. The power of God rose up in my heart and I said out loud, not to her, but to that spirit; “I am sorry that his baby died, but my baby will not die There has already been a death in our family, and His name is Jesus. He died, was buried and rose again so that my children would not die.”

When I said that, I broke through that spirit and John started immediately getting better. I did not realize until that day that I had an adversary and I was a target. The target was not only me and the baby, the target was Jack and I was the weak link. By standing and resisting the fear and trusting in God, I overcame it and John was healed.

There can be fear there, but you do not have to yield to it. You can resist it and overcome it. That's what God led me to do. The verse states “and are not afraid with any amazement (terror). (I Peter 3:6)

You may email Kathie Small at Kathie3@jacksmall.com

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